Photo credit: Nikko Macaspac
One stormy winter night, with the wind screaming outside our sleet-coated window, my roommate sat bolt-upright in her bed, breathing heavily.
“I had a nightmare.” she said.
“About what?” I asked half-asleep, expecting a response like “an axe-murderer” or a “pack of hell-hounds.”
Instead, she said “I dreamt I was late for the GRE.”
My roommate was an undergraduate senior. She was preparing to take the Graduate Record Examination, or GRE, a standardized test required for her applications to various biochemistry graduate school programs. Her anxiety surrounding the test (let alone the whole application process) was not singular. During application season, there is a kind of frenetic energy surrounding those applying, which expresses itself in the form of late-night study sessions, frantic emails to potential PI’s about funding availability, and even nightmares.
As someone approaching senior-dom myself, I have many logistical and personal questions about next-steps. Some of them are simple: When should I take the GRE? Who should write my letters of recommendation? How much research experience is enough? Some questions are more existential: Do I even want to go to graduate school right now? Or at all? Am I even good enough to be accepted? If I take time off, will that make it harder to be accepted later on? What if my interests change and I want to switch fields? What if I complete an entire PhD program, decide I don’t want to do research and thus waste years of money, work and opportunities? Will this choice dictate the rest of my life? These questions haven’t given me a nightmare yet, but they do keep me up at night.
In the hopes of assuaging some of my deeper-rooted anxieties, like a true scientist-in-training , I decided to gather some data. I interviewed two people with very different graduate school experiences. What I found through our conversations is that most paths to and from graduate school are hardly linear, and even people who seem to have it all figured out are still kind of winging it. Their stories are at parts funny, heartwarming, vulnerable, and to a scared graduate-to-be rapidly emerging into the real world, decidedly comforting.
Some roads end in Academia
Dr. Bethany Strunk - Assistant Professor of Biology, Trinity University
What was your undergraduate experience like?
I started out pre-vet with a Fisheries and Wildlife major, because I wanted to be a wildlife veterinarian. Through that program I started getting interested in Evolutionary Ecology, and so I started doing summer research in Ecology and Evolution. Then I took Biochemistry as one of the perquisites for being pre-vet and I realized that I really liked Biochemistry as well. After getting into the medical implications of biochemistry, something just switched in me, and I really wanted to do research. It actually took me 5 ½ years to graduate because I didn’t change my major to Biochemistry until my junior year, and then I finished up all the requirements in that last year and a half.
My takeaway: Interests change, and even if it takes longer, staying true to your own interests sets you up for doing impassioned work later on.
What did you do after you graduated with your bachelor’s degree?
I had known my whole life I had wanted to do the Peace Corps, after being little and seeing commercials on TV. I applied for the Peace Corps during my senior year. I actually applied to be an environmental volunteer, but I wasn’t qualified, so I ended up being a high school science teacher. I taught chemistry, biology, and computer science. I was on the border of Tanzania and Kenya right in the Kilimanjaro region. I just really loved it, and I ended up extending my project for a total of 3 years instead of 2. I extended as something called a health education volunteer, and so in addition to teaching school I was working in HIV prevention education and sexual health.
By the time I got back I had already been out of school for about six years, and I wasn’t really confident about starting graduate school right away so I applied for a job as a research technician and I got hired in a lab at Wisconsin State University and worked there for about two years, and in that time I applied for graduate school.
My takeaway: Experiences outside graduate school (and outside of the sciences) will give you tools that make you a better researcher. For Dr. Strunk those tools included creativity, the ability to teach, and a different cultural perspective.
Photo credit: Sergey Pesterev
Why did you decide not to go straight to graduate school?
On some level I probably had some dreams that I would be doing some good in the world, but more than that I just wanted to experience a place that was really new and different and that had a different lifestyle. I would also say that it was a fear of not being qualified. I think as a person I tend to slow things down out of fear. But I always knew I was going to go back to school, I was just taking my time to know I was ready. I think ultimately though, I was over-cautious. I don’t regret anything, but it was definitely an over-abundance of time.
My takeaway: Going straight to grad school is not the only, or best, move. Working in different fields, scientific or otherwise, can give you valuable experience and help you grow as a person, in ways that make you a better researcher, and a better human.
Did you take anything from your time off that makes you a more effective or better researcher or boss?
Here’s what I know about myself. I was not a person that would take control in situations or take on leadership or just go for things. I was very cautious. In the Peace Corps I had to step up and take some agency and it really changed who I was. There was a lot of initiative and maturity that I gained in those years, and when I came back, I was in a much better position to take control and initiative in the lab. I think some people in undergraduate programs have that kind of naturally or have already figured that out by the time that they go to graduate school, but I was not one of those people.
My takeaway: Not everyone who graduates is in the same place. Don’t compare yourself to other people’s paths - make the right choice for you.
How hard do you think it is to switch fields going into graduate school, if, for example, your interests have changed after taking time off?
I think that in most situations coming at things from a perspective that not everybody has can be really valuable. Being able to contribute a diverse set of ideas and perspectives on various situations is great. I noticed that in myself switching from Evolutionary Ecology to Biochemistry. So much about evolution is about the balancing of forces and it’s really the same thing that’s happening inside of cells and in molecular systems. I had some extra background in terms of thinking about things that not everybody thought about going into cell and molecular biology, and I think it was an advantage to have that background.
My takeaway: The things that make you feel the least qualified can sometimes be your biggest strength! Diverse viewpoints are important in science, and those things that make you feel different from your colleagues also make you valuable.
Photo credit: National Cancer Institute
Looking back at how you got to where you are now, what advice would you give your past self? Would you have done anything differently?
I would not be so worried about everything all the time. That is, I would not take everything so seriously. I think part of it helped me work really hard, but I was always constantly thinking that things were going to go wrong and I was going to fail. That’s kind of a hard way to live. I would tell myself, if you fail it’s okay! There’s this symptom of imposter syndrome where you think, if I fail, it means my PI or supervisor was wrong to choose me because it proves that I’m not qualified. But an inherent part of the scientific method is failing! You have to fail, otherwise you’re doing it wrong! And the ability to be brave and try something without getting permission first is such a good quality in a student. I’m not sure that I had that, but when I see it in students here [at Trinity] it’s just so impressive.
My takeaway: Be bold. Don’t be afraid to fail, in the lab or in making post-graduation choices.
Some roads end in Industry
Dr. Matthew Haley - Efficiency Engineer, Dometic Corporation
What was your undergraduate experience like?
For my bachelors I majored in Mechanical Engineering and Physics. In undergraduate everything was ‘fly by the seat of my pants’. I didn’t really have any long-term plans. I didn’t even know I wanted to major in engineering when I started school. There was no pre-meditated destination, I just followed what engaged my intellect at the time. By the time I decided to apply to graduate school though, I was more serious about it. Tenure-track academia was the end goal. I thought the professor lifestyle, and even the student lifestyle, would suit me for the long-haul. I didn’t necessarily have a very informed picture of what it would be like though. You kind of have to experience some things to really understand them.
My takeaway: You don’t always know what a career or job is going to be like until you try it. Be okay with that uncertainty, and know that even if it’s not your ultimate career, what you learn will be valuable.
What did you do after you graduated with your bachelor’s degree?
I actually took a year off, so I didn’t go straight into graduate school. I did the stereotypical travel the world thing, where I strapped on a backpack and flew to Paris. I was hostel-hopping in Europe for about a month. To be honest, I was so overwhelmed by my engineering/physics double major that I didn’t have time to properly prepare for the GRE. I also had a few classes to finish up. So, when I got back from Europe, I finished up those classes at a community college and really buckled down to study for the GRE.
I spent 7 years getting my PhD in Theoretical Physics and I taught for a year after that. During this time, it became increasingly clear that industry would be a better place to have a career than academia. I also did what I call my ‘quick-and-dirty’ Masters for two years after graduate school. So, all told, I was in school for 14 years - one might say I have enough school to last me awhile.
My takeaway: Getting a PhD is a long term goal and you can't plan for how long it is going to take. Know that going in. There is no right or wrong amount of time.
What was graduate school like for you?
I guess I thought it would be more like undergraduate. In undergraduate it was expected that you were still figuring out your life, and you were expected to dabble in a lot of different things. In graduate school, suddenly, you have to produce something at the cutting edge of the field, and as a matter of fact you have to continuously produce things if you want to get anywhere. There’s a kind of latent stress level there. The graduate school task can feel gargantuan and oppressive. And when you’re a graduate student you feel kind of like a brooding intellectual weighted down by all these books. That is, graduate school is not as exploratory as undergraduate. The things you’re reading about and thinking about, no one in the wider world has any clue about or cares about whatsoever. Even many people in physics don’t have a clue or care about what you’re doing.
With that being said, I loved teaching. It was the bane of my existence because I liked it so much that it was always a great excuse to slack off from all the things I needed to be doing. Eventually I started getting more into the physics education side of the university. My supervisor and I started making some changes to the standard curriculum. We felt that the typical way of teaching and learning physics didn’t resemble the practice of physics, so we started trying to teach in a way that more accurately mirrored how physicists think about physics. I actually got a teaching award for those changes. I think maybe I’m most proud of that, even though it wasn’t as technical as my doctorate research. It feels like one of my realest accomplishments that my students actually enjoyed my classes. I was making my course instructors look bad because my teaching evaluations were always so much better than theirs.
My takeaway: You do not yet know all the things that will make you passionate. Be open to new challenges; they may shape your life’s career.
Photo credit: Roman Mager
How did you decide to go into industry?
I eventually found that I enjoyed teaching more than research. But even though I really enjoyed teaching that doesn’t mean there was a path forward. You’re probably not going to get tenure if you’re just lecturing, and on a research front it was extremely competitive. There’s just not room for that many theoretical particle physicists, and I wasn’t doing world-famous work by any means. Because of this, even if I decided to grind hard and keep researching, the job prospects were a little dim. The thing about graduate school is that everyone knows the market can’t support all the people who are in graduate school. Very few people who get their PhD’s will end up becoming full professors at the end. As I went further through my PhD I started to feel that it isn’t rational for that many people to be competing for so few tenure-track positions. There is kind of something fundamentally exploitative about graduate school, and as the years drive on that wears more and more on your conscience. Even before I got to the end, I knew I wasn’t going to do physics professionally, but there seemed to be no reason not to finish the PhD since I had put so much time into it.
My takeaway: No industry is perfect, and an important part of enjoying your job is your willingness to work within that imperfect system.
Do you regret having gone to graduate school?
No. Because it was an experience that taught me about myself and it was a once in a lifetime thing. Very few people are lucky enough to experience the beauty of the things I learned. I got to take an amazing journey even if it didn’t necessarily end up where I thought, or even go anywhere. Although I guess another aspect of this is that financially it’s not necessarily a good idea to go to graduate school for such a long time. If I had just gone into engineering from the get go I would have seven more years of career under my belt. I definitely missed out on a lot of earnings. So, the opportunity costs were very real. But, also, you only have one life, and money isn’t everything.
My takeaway: Sometimes a career choice (including a PhD) is about the journey, not the destination. Graduate school is challenging, but ultimately pushes you to become a better version of yourself.
Did you take anything from your graduate school experience that makes you better at your job now?
The level of rigor of graduate school was helpful. It was kind of like Navy Seal training. At work I write pages of equations fairly regularly, which to some of my colleagues seems pretty next level. My teaching experience also helps a lot when I have to explain things at work, to clients or other lay-people.
In some sense I can’t hardly believe how valued I am in the organization or what my salary is compared to the years of privation in graduate school. In graduate school you’re like the proverbial poet living in the leaking attic. You go and grab pizza at seminars you’re not interested in because you’re just scraping by day to day. No one knows you exist; no one knows how hard you’re working, no one knows what you’re doing. Any little inch of progress is so hard fought. Now my job feels like child’s play by comparison. It feels like I’m playing on easy mode now.
My job is obviously not as complicated as theoretical physics by any means, but it’s definitely still interesting. I’m an engineer so there’s the theory but the theory has to produce something in practice. Your advice really affects huge decisions made by the company. As a researcher I definitely felt the drain of my life’s work having zero impact on the world. It’s nice to point to something and say ‘that exists because of what I do’. I matter to society in a way I didn’t when I was in a hermetically sealed academic bubble. I didn’t think the tangibility of my work would matter to me when I went to graduate school. That would have sounded superficial to me. I would have thought ‘It doesn’t matter, you’re getting to the bottom of reality and the universe and the cosmos’. But as I matured and learned more about myself, I realized it’s kind of nice to be connected to the world in some way. There’s a kind of romanticism surrounding academia-it doesn’t matter if I’m impacting the real world because I’m aspiring to contribute to and be a part of these loftier ideals of intellectualism. It sucks you in, and it strokes your ego by making you feel smart, even if you don’t actually like (or are good at) the daily grind of research itself.
My takeaway: Enjoying the prestige of a job is not the same thing as enjoying the work, even though they can sometimes be easy to confuse.
Photo credit: Science in HD
Do you have any advice for science undergraduates thinking about going to graduate school?
Don’t plan to work in academia. I don’t think the economics of it are very rational. If you want to get a PhD, great, but you shouldn’t expect that you’re going to be one of the chosen ones at the end. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it! You could have a different off-ramp than academia, but don’t bank on becoming a tenure-track professor.
Additionally, maybe consider a Masters. Unless you have a very specific job in mind, a Masters is the most marketable degree. After I got my PhD I was having a rough time because I was looking at all these job applications, and I was simultaneously over qualified and under qualified for everything. I didn’t have any specific experience that anyone was looking for, but I was also refused from many entry-level engineering positions because my doctorate made my pay grade too high. I eventually went back to school and got my Masters in Engineering, which is how I got my current job.
My takeaway: Career options with a graduate degree are diverse. Explore these options - you might find you enjoy something more than you expected.
As these stories demonstrate, graduate school isn’t for everybody. It’s not a glamorous lifestyle, and even if you love learning, that doesn’t mean you will find research fulfilling. But if graduate school is right for you, it’s likely you will find your way there.
I still don’t know what I’m going to do after I graduate; I don’t even know what I’m going to have for dinner tonight. But, if I’ve learned anything from these interviews, it’s that even if I make a choice that doesn’t lead to my ultimate career, I’ll learn something from wherever I end up. Maybe I’ll even find a new passion. Life is pretty uncertain when you’re about to graduate, and it seems the only thing to do is to lean into that uncertainty. In the words of Dr. Strunk, don’t be afraid. Make bold choices, and take any challenges that come with open arms and an open mind. To everyone in a similarly uncertain position (and to myself), good luck.
-Katie
Photo credit: Aleksandra Boguslawska